Change

I don’t have a lot of time to write today…perhaps later tonight.  I want to remind myself, though, that it’s time to talk about change.  The path of Karma in my life, the energy in my life, those many conversations on my bed, have changed.  It is as if my life has gone completely upside down, but in a good way.  For example last night—well, a general example as I am not sharing the specifics—I thought and prepared myself for loneliness and silence but instead found my time full and rich and filled.  Such is the way of things in my life, the former, and yet in almost every way things have gone in the opposite direction as of late.  At moments I do not know what to do with the wealth and the beauty of it all.  At others I simply accept it.  But oh, so many challenges, so many internal issues to face and resolve and parts of myself to be tender to and cultivate.  And always, always, this need to make good decisions, to be conscious, to live thoughtfully, to every moment do what is right so I don’t screw the fuck up and do something stupid to these wonderful gifts God has granted me in my darkest hour.  So strange for 2011 to change from the worst year in my life to the best, and literally within minutes last Friday, last Friday, last Friday.

I will never be the same person again.  And yet the best parts of me have not changed.  They will never change.  My character, my integrity, my honesty, kindness, sense of caring, and love of Truth and deep desire to constantly work towards the ability to Love Unconditionally.  And there will be many challenges in the future, many challenges when it comes to Love. 

There is so much work to do and I’m feeling tired right now.  I can’t wait to go camping.  Maybe this coming weekend, maybe!  I am very much looking forward to it as long as it’s not raining cats and dogs.  A wee bit won’t hurt, not at all.