Alone in bed, gummies in my head

So here we are alone, in bed. The TV is on. Cool air is coming through the window. Anij, my rescue, is sleeping on the floor to my left. On the outside everything is normal. On the inside it is anything but. I want to write again but it is easier said that done. I am no longer Aslynn. I am no longer who I was. I do not know who I am anymore, I only know I cannot be held in a cage. All my goals, all the goals of my life before, children, wife, family, home, future, they're all gone. There's nothing there where they were anymore. There's nothing there. I don't know how to explain it and *please* do not attempt to console me with something empty. I do not understand what I am going through so there is no possible way you could either. I do know I like sour gummy worms before bed. My parents are here for the evening. They came over for a commission for the blind meeting which they do once every few months. They leave at noon tomorrow--which reminds me, need to set the alarm. Afterwards I plan to get some things done around the house, things done and then a trip to the dog park then more things done. I'm behind on so much. I want to sell this house and move. I don't know where. I love this house, don't get me wrong, but I want to get away from it, find some freedom. I perchance thought I might go live in a Buddhist Temple because I see so much of that inside of me but then remembered I cannot be boxed like that for a day without going mad. I can't be boxed in anything anymore it seems. It all tires me. It all bores me. I suppose when the world tells you time and time again you don't completely belong in one place or another you finally accept it and don't want to be one place too long. You don't understand what I mean. I don't know what I believe about the psychic anymore. What I do know is that I'm exceptionally sensitive right now and am prone to the negative. Why? I'm constantly on the verge of a panic attack. Why? Many, many reasons but one is all the cr*p they've put me on over the years and no my ever so sane choice to get off. Who would want to live their life like this? I wouldn't. I don't. If you are my friend just do it. And now I go. Goodnight.